#45 When You Think You Don’t Know

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Music courtesy of Irene Boggs http://affirmajams.com/

Welcome to the Dream Big & Bloom Episode #45

Hi! I’m Mardi Lynn, certified DreamBuilder Coach and author of Living Happy, Rich and Free After 60, the guidebook and scorecard for achieving your dreams; and I help ladies create retirement lives they absolutely love.   

The DreamBuilder Program that I teach is a proven, reliable system for overcoming any challenge and achieving any dream no matter how big it seems.

This podcast will introduce you to the powerful principles and practices of the DreamBuilder system and show you the mindsets that are growing or slowing your progress.

You can get a complementary copy of the Scorecard and Guidebook at  https://dreambigandbloom.com/guidebook/

image of book

As you will see in the book, the first step to creating a retirement life you absolutely love is to believe you can. There is a power within you greater than any circumstance, situation or condition that supports you in fulfilling your purpose in this life.

The next step is to create a vivid vision of how your perfect life would look. If you are serious about making changes in your life and setting yourself up for retirement years that you absolutely love, you must have a clear vision and write it down. 

If you haven’t already, listen to Podcast Episode #9 and create a powerful vision statement that lights you up. (By the way, Episode #9 is part three of my Vision Workshop Series that explains the foundational principles of DreamBuildingl. I recommend that you listen to episodes #7 and #8 ast well. Just go to https://dreambigandbloom.com/workshop/ 

Today we’re talking about what happens when people get stuck because they believe they don’t know what they would love.

Is this you or someone you know? 

Or perhaps you created your vision but you held back a little because you were afraid to list EVERYTHING you desire?  

Why this happens…

Today we’re talking about why that happens and how to fix it.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who works at a job that’s feels like it’s sucking her soul and when I asked her what she would love to do, or what unique talents or passions she has to share with the world, she said she didn’t know.  And the way she said it was so final, almost like she didn’t even want to investigate it. 

Of course as a trained dreambuilder coach, I am aware that this happens and trained to help her get to her truth, but I have been curious to better understand why it’s so difficult for some people to access the desires of their hearts because I, personally, have never had that particular challenge.

It was always easy for me to know what I wanted. My personal challenge was that I wouldn’t allow myself to honor my longing and discontent because I was allowing myself to be swayed by other people’s opinions and expectations – especially those of my family. (That’s a good topic for another time.)

When I’m wondering about something or have a specific question, my practice is to submit it to Universal Intelligence by writing it down in my journal first thing in the morning and, within a few hours, I receive my answer.  

So I posed the question to The Universe and bam, that same morning on my walk, I was listening to a podcast by Brook Castillo, founder of The Life Coach School and she had an explanation that made perfect sense to me. (I’ll put a link to her podcast in the blog post for this episode in case you want to hear the whole thing.)  https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcast/381/

She said that sometimes we don’t let ourselves consider what we truly want because admitting it to ourselves is too scary. It’s a matter of being in denial. It’s scary to face the truth of what we genuinely want because for most of us, what we want may be far beyond what we currently have and if you have a belief system that you can’t have what you want, then knowing what you want will hurt. You’ll feel deprived.  You might feel like a victim, and so it’s easier to just pretend that you don’t have desires. 

Other thoughts might be fear of failure, or fear of having it, fear of what people will think when you do have it, fear of what you may have to change in order to have it.  

The truth might be that you don’t want to be married. The truth might be that you don’t want to babysit the grandkids all the time. The truth might be that you don’t want to be in that job. The truth might be that you don’t want to help that charity. 

In order to be truly happy, you’ll need to tell yourself the truth about what you want even if you don’t like the truth about yourself, even if you wish the truth were something different. There’s a difference between wanting to want something and actually wanting something. And that can be scary.  Think about that for a moment.  “There’s a difference between wanting to want something and actually wanting something.”  

Will you tell yourself the truth?

It takes courage.  When you get to an age where the end of your life is getting closer, you might decide, what the hell, go for it, it’s my last  chance.  Or, you might decide it’s too late to change. You might subscribe to the common belief that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”  It’s up to you.  It’s your choice.

These same fears come up during the DreamBuilding process, after we have created our vision and we have great tools for building self-esteem and managing fear and doubt but we have to get the truth out on the table first.

I so wish that the DreamBuilder Program and life coaching was available when I was growing up. There were times in my life when I told myself I didn’t care about money and struggled because of that.  If someone wouldn’t give me what I requested, I would just give up on the idea instead of coming up with another way. I told myself I didn’t mind that things didn’t work out the way I had hoped…that it probably just wasn’t meant to be — a common misuse of spiritual faith. 

Knowing What You Want

Knowing what you want may be very different from what you think you can have and I used to settle for what I thought I could have. I don’t do that anymore and I’m passionate about helping others to stop doing that too. Now I know better and I love, love, love supporting you in creating a joyful, fulfilling and prosperous life.

Don’t let fear and doubt prevent you from being able to say what you want.

It’s such a subtle thing.  We aren’t conscious that we have these thoughts. It’s very subtle and unconscious and it takes some guidance to become aware of it. 

We tell ourselves that our life is good enough or that we should be happy. It takes courage to allow your true desires to come to the surface. To tune in to your Higher Self and let it speak to you and trust that it will support you through the process.  Life is seeking a fuller, freer, more expansive expression through you. Your longing and discontent is Life nudging you to grow, expand, to have more and be more.

What Is Your Life’s Purpose?

When you open up to this, you can discover your life’s purpose and living your life’s purpose is what will light you up and bring you joy.  You are meant to be happy, prosperous, and be making a contribution by sharing your unique talents and abilities.

And when you are aligned with your purpose, you are supported by your higher power, everything you need is provided to support you, so there’s no need to be afraid. 

When we’re NOT aligned with our purpose and NOT honoring our longings and discontent, life feels like a struggle AND this often causes us to hide from our feelings of frustration and unhappiness by overeating, over-drinking, over-shopping or over-sexing. Is that really a term?  Well you know what I mean.  Addiction to sex and pornography. We try to soothe ourselves with things outside ourselves and it never works.  

So, I invite all of you to think about this question for a minute because, even if you have done a vision statement and don’t feel stuck, you may have overlooked some important things that can be discovered now with your new awareness.

What would you really want?

In a perfect world, what would you really want? What do you really want? If you remove the doubt, if you remove the confusion, if you remove the question of the how, and you just answer, focus on what you really want.  Allow the answers to bubble up, have the courage to let the answer come to you, what comes up?

I loved it when Brooke said, allow yourself to be surprised. Allow yourself to be delighted. Sometimes, when we do this work with people, they even giggle about it. They’ll say something like, “Well, I mean, in a perfect world this is what I want…” And they tell us the most amazing, beautiful, awesome things.

And another way to rattle lose your truth is to bear in mind that no matter what answer comes up, you don’t have to act on it. You still get to decide. You have complete power in your life. 

Also, know that what you truly want doesn’t have to hurt. There are ways to shift your perspective that can neutralize that.

For those of you who feel stuck, do these ideas help?  

I’ve never specifically told clients that they don’t have to act on it, (because I’m confident that they will want to take action and I know I can support them throughout the process) but I can see how this idea might help release the flow of creative ideas…knowing that you aren’t committing to doing anything yet.  You’re just allowing inquiry, being curious and in this way, getting to know what you truly want. 

Then, once we get your dreams on paper, I can teach you the principles and practices for overcoming fear and doubt.  

Or, you could decide that you don’t want to go for your dreams but at least you would be clear about where your power lies and you can choose not to have any regrets because you realize it’s a conscious choice. 

clarity is power

Clarity Is Power

In either case, your life will be improved by the energy shift that happens when you feel empowered and clear.  As I love to say, “clarity is power.”

However, our desires are breadcrumbs on the path to our destiny.  Our true desires, what we truly want, are our calling. They’re calling us to move forward, to step up to the plate. It’s natural for us to want more. We want better.  There’s something inside of us, an urge, a nudge from the universe trying to push us forward, to evolve, and to create. 

And, there’s an important distinction to be made between a true desire and a superficial desire.  True desires are not based on proving our worthiness, on impressing other people, on getting a momentary rush of pleasure hormones.  

Assuming you are worthy and deserving and that you will be supported by the Universe in whatever you choose and that you will be prosperous…then what would you want?

Is it everything that you already have? When you look at your life, would you rechoose everything? Or is there something different that you want? Have the courage to allow yourself to see it. Remember that you don’t have to act on it.  Even just knowing the truth will change your life because you will be clear. 

In the dreambuilding process you learn self-awareness — understanding what you are feeling. Understanding what you are thinking. We call it “noticing what you’re noticing.” When you are aware, then you can manage your thoughts, keep your vibration high and that’s how you manifest your dreams.

And… as you start creating the life you would love, you grow in your understanding of who you are, what you’re capable of, and new ways to interact with the world. Who you become in the process is more important than the accomplishment of your dreams.

Transformation at this level, requires developing a certain level of faith and taking consistent action and that’s why having the DreamBuilder System, a coach.and a supportive community of like-minded ladies is so important.

Accelerate Your Results

If you are ready to accelerate your results, go to dreambigandbloom/get-started to learn more about the details and schedule a complimentary consultation where I’ll help you get clear on exactly where you are now, where you would love to be and the next best step you can take to move you forward.

And here are 4 more ways you can learn about the DreamBuilder process:  

1. Get the book

If you haven’t already, be sure to get a free copy of my book, Living Happy, Rich and Free After 60, The guidebook and scorecard for achieving your dreams. https://dreambigandbloom.com/guidebook/

2. Listen to podcast episodes #30 to #39

Listen at your own pace to this series where you’ll learn the foundational principles and Practices of DreamBuilding.  https://dreambigandbloom.com/category/podcast/

3. Listen to the “Power of Vision” Workshop

Listen at your own pace to this workshop in 3 podcasts episodes where you’ll learn the foundational principles of DreamBuilding, and create your vision for a life that makes you feel happy, rich and free. Listen now at DreamBigandBloom.com/workshop

4. Be a guest on the Podcast

This is a great way to get a feel for the process in a friendly environment. Coaching women just like you, to use the DreamBuilder principles and practices to overcome any challenge and achieve any dream is one of my favorite things to do. To be a guest just visit DreamBigandBloom.com/guest

Share In The Comments

I’d love to know if this podcast episode has made a difference for you and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have.  Post in the comments below.

Always Remember…

Now as you go, remember:

  • You are capable of far more than you know. 
  • You were created to have an amazing and fulfilling life. It’s your birthright.
  • You DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE for just “good enough.”
  • You are more powerful than any circumstance, situation or condition.
  • You absolutely can create the life of your dreams.

Dream big, follow your heart and live with all the joy, purpose, prosperity and fulfillment you deserve.

Here’s to living a life you absolutely love!!

Looking forward to talking with you soon,

Bye for now,


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