Welcome to the Dream Big And Bloom Podcast, Episode #39
Hi! I’m Mardi Lynn, certified DreamBuilder Coach and I help women over 60, who are longing to be happy, rich and free.
What would that look like for you? What would you love?
I love helping you
- get clear on what you would love
- encouraging you to go for it and
- ensuring that you take action and create a life you absolutely love.
In today’s podcast we’re continuing with the series on the 10 Mindsets from the guidebook and Scorecard: Living Happy, Rich and Free After 60.
You can get a free copy at https://dreambigandbloom.com/guidebook/
And you can do the scorecard online at http://dreambigscore.com/
In today’s episode, were talking about Mindset #6 Managing Failure.
(Oh, by the way you can access all the previous lessons at DreamBigAndBloom.com. Just click on the podcasts tab.)
Does it seem strange to talk about “managing failure.” Have you thought about “failure” as something to manage?
The concept is the same as “managing fear” (See episodes #35 and #36) because fear AND failure are actually just thoughts in your brain, and YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS.
What we call “failure” is a matter of perspective and today I’m going to offer you a new perspective on Failure that will make you feel so much happier and free!
Are you ready?
Failure is Simply Feedback!
Failure is simply feedback! It’s feedback suggesting that a particular direction may not be “the right direction. There might be a better way.
When something doesn’t turn out the way you hoped or expected, it doesn’t mean you failed. It just means that there is something to know. And this is a good time to refer to your Higher Power for guidance.
You can only fail if you give up due to fear or frustration. And that doesn’t mean you are “a failure” either, it just means you chose to give up. You won’t be happy with yourself and you won’t be living your best life, but that doesn’t mean you are “a failure.” Remember the podcasts about Forgiveness? That includes yourself.
I know you aren’t going to give up though. You’re here because you want to live your best life and I’m here to support you in achieving that.
It’s said that Thomas Edison tried 10,000 times to make the light bulb. He considered those failed attempts to be 10,000 pieces of feedback.
And, in a broader sense, the way we DEFINE what happens to us is how we define our whole life because our thoughts and beliefs create our feelings, our actions and our results.
The key is to redefine our so-called “failures” so that they serve us and contribute to the fulfillment of our dreams.
One way to define a failure in an empowering way is by seeing the failure as evidence that you are moving confidently in the direction of your dreams.
The only people who avoid failure are those who never try, those who never risk anything, those who simply do not pursue their dreams.
So a failure can be seen as evidence that you are taking action — you are “endeavoring to live the life that you have imagined” as Henry David Thoreau said. (For more about Thoreau, listen to Part One of the vision workshop at dreambigandbloom/workshop.
Always give yourself credit for trying. You’re in the game and swinging!
The year Babe Ruth hit the most home runs, he also had the most strikeouts of any other time in his career. Why? Because he was up to bat and swinging frequently.
When you are swinging, you will have some misses too, but you will also increase your chances for success.
When Sir Richard Branson (founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways and the Virgin line of businesses) was asked what the secret was to his great success, he said,
“You have to be willing to fall flat on your face.”
Robert Green Ingersoll (a famous orator of the 19th Century) said,
“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.”
It’s important to remember to be completely willing to be redirected, not to a lesser life — that’s not in harmony with life’s laws at all. Life is ever seeking a freer, fuller expanded version of itself and that means in your life. It’s not “the will of God” for you to live a small life. It’s not the will of the Universe for you to play small nor is it the will of the Universe/ Infinite Presence or Your Higher self for you to stay stuck.
What seems like a “failure” or being stuck, is an invitation to realize a larger, more expansive understanding, awareness and expression in you. At the time it feels like a problem. At the time it’s tempting to collapse. We’ve all experienced that. But that doesn’t take us where we want to go.
You could list the history of your life back to the time you can first remember and choose to see that every misstep taught you something. You learned to walk — not by doing it perfectly but by falling down and getting back up and it’s the same with all endeavors in life. But if you call it a failure and you label your experience as bad or create shame around it, you inhibit yourself.
You Cannot Have a Question Without an Answer
It’s a law of The Universe that, by definition, you cannot have a question without an answer. There has to be an answer. It’s important to get your thinking aligned with that truth. Otherwise you will be tempted to just focus on what seems to be missing, what seems to be lacking. That creates a focus on lack rather than a focus on an answer. And what is that mantra I say so often? What you focus on expands!
It takes practice and reminding ourselves that there IS an answer. “It might be out of my awareness right now but I can tune in to Universal Intelligence.”
If you tell yourself that “this stuff doesn’t work and I’ve done everything I know how to do and it’s just not going to happen for me;” if you start moving down that train of thinking; you will convince yourself to live a much smaller, more contracted life; and that is NOT what Life is seeking to do with you.
Life is seeking to express a larger, higher, more expansive expression of itself through you. So don’t give up.
When you make a decision based on guidance — when you feel guided by something that seems greater than you, you will feel really good about that decision.
If you stop short of the dream because you don’t know how to work through the process then you will feel contracted and restricted.
So, how do you know when to give up? How do you know when to abandon the path or keep moving forward?
Discernment is the key.
You need to discern if you have gone down the wrong road and need to turn around, or if you just need to persevere and move on. You are never too far down the wrong road that you can’t turn back and take another road.
Ask your Higher Self, Universal Wisdom, for guidance.
“Infinite presence, if this dream is for my highest good, increase my passion for it. I am open to an idea. Give me an idea. If this dream will not benefit me and others, redirect me. This or something better.”
Also, look beyond the pros and cons, and listen to your desires and discontent. Pros and cons are in the land of logic. Desires and discontent live in the land of the soul.
Move beyond the peanut gallery. There is both an external peanut gallery (what others think and say) and the internal peanut gallery (what you tell yourself – the mind chatter based on what you were programmed to believe when you were growing up or decisions you made based on negative experiences you’ve had ).
Listen only to your most trusted adviser: your Self — with a capital S.
Perhaps you need to move beyond the individual form of the dream, and reconnect with the larger vision. Ask yourself, what makes ME come alive, and go do that. That’s the only question that matters.
As Howard Thurman said,
“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes YOU come alive, and go do it, because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”
(That’s one of my favorite quotes. I truly believe that and it fuels my passion for being a DreamBuilder Coach.)
Could it be that a particular form of your dream is not it, but there is a different or better way for you to live the life you are imagining?
Hope, enthusiasm, courage, confidence, and perseverance are all energies that will help you get back on track.
Through a “failure,” you may be receiving a new direction for your dream or you may be receiving directions to something that’s much greater. A failure may look like a “no” at first, but it may actually be just a “not this way.”
You may be redirected on your path in DreamBuilding, but know that it will always be for something better. The Universe has your highest good in mind. Trust in its infinite wisdom to guide your life.
The key is to respond, rather than react.
You are in charge. Be conscious and conscientious. You are empowered. Relying on the guidance of Universal Intelligence to guide you to your highest and best.
Denis Waitley once said, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.”
You can choose to change your direction, but be sure you don’t give up out of fear, disappointment, anger, upset, or anxiety. This will never lead you into a higher version of yourself. Be sure you feel at peace with your decision before you act.
Now here are some powerful practices for you to manage “failure”:
#1 Rewrite a “failure”. Take a failure you’ve had and write a list of all the lessons you have learned from it, which you can use to inspire and instruct others.
#2 Describe a time in your life when you listened to your inner voice or received help from a loved one (because the Universe often speaks to us through other people) and you made the right decision to change the direction on your path. How did you figure out it was the best move for you to make?
#3 Describe a challenge you are facing today and one possible way you can try again.
#4 Apply the following questions to a challenge you are currently facing and see if you are able to find a new viewpoint to approach your challenge.
- How can I see this challenge differently?
- What idea could I use to overcome this difficulty?
- What information might make a difference in solving this problem?
- Who could I talk to for support and guidance?
Try these and share your results in the comments below.
So to review…
When you are experiencing a big defeat, when you are feeling frightened because you think you are headed for failure, remember that the defeat has no more power over you than you give it. If you give it power it will have power. If you look at it as a learning experience, as feedback, then it will tell you what you need to learn.
It doesn’t mean anything about who you are. You are a child of a Loving Creator. You didn’t make yourself. You can’t even breathe yourself. Who you are is Life itself taking human form.
Everyone who is a great dreamer experiences some defeat. So just ask yourself what can I learn from this? “You learn from the failure and then it’s not a failure. It’s a life lesson and it informs the next steps you take for making the dreams of your heart come true.”
And here’s more good news…
Having a problem to solve or a failure to redefine is actually a gift because you become a better version of yourself through the process. Everytime you use the DreamBuilder principles and practices to manage “failure,” you become more adept at it. It gets easier and life flows better. You become a master DreamBuilder and an inspiration to others.
So never give up. Always be open to new information and direction, use the tools and enjoy the journey.
I’d love to know how these practices work for you and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have. Just share in the comments below.
Is one of these practices your favorite?
Let’s get a conversation going in the comments below.
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