Welcome to the Dream Big and Bloom Podcast Episode #37!
Hi! I’m Mardi Lynn, certified DreamBuilder Coach and I help women over 60, who are longing for more happiness, prosperity, fulfillment and fun in this season of their lives.
As one listener commented,
“It is a precarious place. We used to slide into the Grandmother role and that was it for many. Now it’s not as clear. Do I work on my legacy? Volunteer? Become the queen of Happy Hour or do I write my memoir? To me it’s still all fuzzy. After taking care of my Dad with Dementia for five years, I finally have the time but not the direction!
My goal is to help you find your direction — to help you get clear on what you would truly love and allow yourself to go for it and not settle.
The purpose of this podcast is to help you understand the powerful principles and practices of the tested, proven, reliable DreamBuilder System and discover the mindsets that are growing or slowing your progress.
In today’s podcast we are continuing the series on the 10 Mindsets from the guidebook and Scorecard: Living Happy, Rich and Free After 60. You can get a free copy at https://dreambigandbloom.com/guidebook/ and you can do the scorecard online at http://dreambigscore.com/
Today we’re talking about Mindset #5: Forgiveness. You can access all the previous mindset episodes at DreamBigAndBloom.com. Just click on the podcasts tab.
To review briefly…
We’ve created a blueprint for our dream. We’re working with the creative energy of the universe to bring into form a desire we hold in our hearts. We began by paying attention to the vision that appeared as the answer to our longing and discontent.
We’ve tested the dream and found it worthy of our valuable time and energy. We’ve planted the seed. We know the seed is good — that it’s a crop we want to cultivate. We’ve talked about how we need to keep the garden weeded so that the weeds of fear can’t choke out our dreams.
We’ve talked about learning to give, about nourishing our dream as we would fertilize a tender plant; with attention and resources, letting the water seep deep into the roots so that it will flourish.
And now we’re looking at the condition of the soil itself. You can’t grow a healthy dream in toxic soil. Every farmer knows that the soil must be healthy in order for the crop to prosper. And that leads us now into forgiveness.
We All Have Forgiveness Work to Do
We all have forgiveness work to do. Forgiveness work is included in every one of the world’s religions, in all good psychology, in all mental health practices. We are taught that forgiveness is a mental, emotional and spiritual practice that changes our perception and frees us to live a life that is worth living.
In DreamBuilding, we’re working with the creative energy of the Universe to manifest a life we would LOVE living. The way we use and direct this energy depends on our attention. Where our attention goes our energy flows.
The practice of forgiveness liberates us from constrictive thoughts that suck our energy and hold us back — thoughts and beliefs about
- things that have happened to us in our past,
- resentments toward people and
- mistakes we have made.
We all have had challenging experiences. We all have a history and experiences that have influenced our belief systems and our ways of operating in the world.
There are many ways that we might be misusing the power of our mind by investing energy in a resentment or by rehearsing our past.
This may occur consciously or unconsciously, but we are always directing this life energy in every moment of our lives.
We can harness this energy to create our dreams or to create more of the same life we’ve been living.
In order to be happy, rich and free, we must release any thoughts or behaviors that can hold us back.
I’ve found that the main reason people resist the practice of forgiveness is they think forgiveness means accepting that what happened was OK. And THAT IS NOT NOT WHAT IT MEANS.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning or allowing bad behavior. However, hanging on to resentment doesn’t punish the other person either.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with accepting abusive behavior. Forgiveness is not about being a doormat. Forgiveness has nothing to do with a willingness to re-experience behaviors that have been abusive.
Forgiveness is simply the freeing of yourself because you no longer want to be ruled by your own resentment. When we are ruled and fueled by resentment we push our own good away from us. We poison the field where our precious dream is growing.
Buddha said that a person who holds resentment is like someone who picks up a hot coal while expecting the other person to be the one who gets burned.
It’s also been said that holding resentment is like drinking a little bit of poison every day and expecting the other person to die.
Forgiveness is a shift in perception that frees you. Forgiveness is not done for someone else. Forgiveness is done for yourself. Forgiveness is a shift in your perception — you find a new way to see what you have experienced — a different interpretation.
I find it helpful to think of forgiveness as “releasing,” as a letting go.
The goal is not to forgive and forget, but to grieve and let go.
The goal is not to forgive and forget, but to grieve and let go. The grieving process is important. You “grieve and let go.” You don’t let the other person’s bad behavior continue to control your life. You forgive so you can be free.
When you hold someone in jail in your mind, you, the jailer, are in jail as well. Forgiveness frees the jailer to a life of peace and joy.
Have I convinced you of the value and importance of forgiveness now?
This is really important because, ultimately, forgiving and releasing is a choice. And I believe, that when you truly appreciate the consequences of not forgiving and the huge benefits of doing it, you will be motivated to change your perception.
How do we change our perception?
The best way I’ve found to shift my perception is in believing that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We’re all the same at our core and we’re all doing the best we know how.
I believe that if people knew better, they would do better. I can have compassion for other people because I know they are suffering on some level. They aren’t blessed to know what I know. I don’t know their history or understand their struggles because I haven’t walked in their shoes. I choose to wish them well and then I move on, and focus on living my vision for my amazing life.
It’s very much like managing fear in Mindset #4. You take charge and move forward with living your best life.
You recognize your power. You love yourself and take care of yourself by doing the practices.
Forgiveness is not a one-time event, it’s a process and it takes practice. The painful experiences of our past can be strong if we’ve built them up in our minds by continually rehearsing what happened.
Forgiveness doesn’t CHANGE the past, but it changes the present and transforms the future.
The Key to Your Success
The key to your success is your commitment to your happiness and doing the practice. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
So here’s a practice exercise for you:
Make a list of the people and circumstances in your life that you want to forgive and release — the ones that feel like they’re constricting your energy when you think about them; and then shift your perception about them, until your energy feels expansive again.
A very famous spiritual teacher named Jesus once said, “Lord forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Many of your resentments will be easy to release now that you know the advantages and this new way of perceiving people. Simply being conscious of what your mind is thinking, solves so many challenges!
Other items on your list may be more challenging and may require more time. That’s perfectly normal. Just keep focusing on them until you can tell yourself a different story that feels better. Do your grieving work. Practice self-love and self-care. Remember how powerful you are and focus on your vision for your life.
That’s it. It’s a matter of awareness and choice. Simple but not always easy.
I understand and I’m here to support you.
I hope you have found this episode helpful. I’d love to know how you are doing with your forgiveness practice and answer any questions you might have. Post in the comments section for this episode at dreambigandbloom.com Perhaps you have some favorite forgiveness techniques to share too.
Now, as you go, remember
- You are capable of far more than you know
- You were created to have an amazing and fulfilling life. It’s your birthright.
- You DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE for just “good enough”
- You are more powerful than any circumstance, situation or condition
- You absolutely can create the life of your dreams.
You absolutely can be Happy, Rich and Free After 60!
Dream big, follow your heart and live with all the joy, purpose, prosperity and fulfillment you deserve!
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