#36 Why Is Joy So Elusive?

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Music courtesy of Irene Boggs http://affirmajams.com/

Welcome to the Dream Big and Bloom Podcast episode 36!

Hi! I’m Mardi Lynn, certified DreamBuilder Coach and I help women over 60, who are longing for more fulfillment and fun in this season of their lives to Dream Big and Bloom into their full magnificence.

The DreamBuilder Program that I teach is a proven, reliable system for overcoming any challenge and achieving any dream no matter how big it seems.

This podcast will help you apply the powerful principles and practices of the DreamBuilder system and discover the mindsets that are growing or slowing your progress. 

This week I wanted to share some interesting comments I received in response to last week’s episode #35: Managing Fear (You can listen and/or read it at https://dreambigandbloom.com/35-managing-fear/ 

A listener wrote:

“I enjoyed the podcast on fear. It’s particularly important to take it out of the driver’s seat now with this pandemic. But such an important part of anyone’s process.  I know I struggle with it and “foreboding joy” as Brene Brown puts it. Why is joy so elusive?

Haven’t we all felt this way at some time in our lives?

Fear is so prevalent and insidious. It messes with our lives in so many ways, from causing free-floating anxiety and stress to completely derailing your efforts to manifest your dreams. In fact, it can prevent you from even getting started with writing down your vision statement for the life you would truly love living.  The negative mind chatter in your head has to be addressed!

I have good news for you!  Joy doesn’t have to be elusive!  We can invoke joy at will, by our thinking.  

“Frequent feelings of foreboding” are the result of our habits of thinking, our paradigms, created by our upbringing and life experiences. The solution is to change our belief systems and thinking patterns.

When we are children we adopt the beliefs of the grownups around us and most of us never question them.  In addition, there are many fear-mongering messages in our environment — from fairy tales, religions, the news, politics and advertising.  Fear is ubiquitous. 

The antidote (I love that word because fear is truly like a poison, or a venom), the antidote is to become conscious of the thoughts we are thinking and choose better feeling thoughts — thoughts that create the feelings we want to experience. We can choose!

I wish the antidote were as easy as getting an injection of ant-venom or popping a pill, but it requires some work on our part. 

Have you ever questioned the thoughts in your head?  A great first step in overcoming fear is to start observing your thoughts and evaluating whether they serve you. Do you want to keep them or would you be better served by choosing different ones.  In the DreamBuilder Program we call this “noticing what we’re noticing.” LOL

Remember that our thoughts create our feelings. So when you’re feeling anxious or fearful, look at the thoughts you are thinking that are creating those feelings.

Our beliefs are made up of a group of thoughts we keep thinking.  What are the thoughts that underlie your beliefs about things.  Are your beliefs serving you?  Are you willing to challenge them and consider other beliefs?

Taking charge of our thinking and our beliefs is simple enough but it isn’t always easy.  The Ego doesn’t want to let go of it’s position.  The Ego is a protective mechanism we use to avoid embarrassment and it wants to be right at all costs.

Wayne Dyer used EGO is an acronym for “Edging God Out. And that’s so true. When you recognize the power within you and that you are loved and supported by a Higher Power, you will be able to entertain new ideas and have the courage to make changes.

The primitive part of your brain is designed to resist change. Change seems fraught with potential hazards, while the status quo is more predictable. If you venture out of your cave, you might get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger.

Changing entrenched thinking patterns takes time, but the more consistent we are with the DreamBuilder practices, the faster we get results and the more results we experience, the more motivated we are to be consistent.  It’s a positive feedback loop.

It also helps to be a member of a group of like-minded women who are working on the same things, and understand and support one another. That’s a great feature of the DreamBuilder Group Program.

What is “Forboding Joy”?

I wasn’t familiar with the term “foreboding joy” by Brene Brown so I did some research and found a clip from an interview she did with Oprah.  Have you seen it?  I’ll post the link in the show notes at dreambigandbloom.com/#36

In this interview, Brene says that joy becomes foreboding when we lose our tolerance for vulnerability.  We are afraid our joy is going to be taken away. So “we do a dress rehearsal for tragedy so we can beat vulnerability to the punch.”  

I believe this feeling of vulnerability is the result of lack of faith in a Higher Power and Its willingness and ability to guide us and protect us. That’s why the first and foundational mindset in my guidebook is “Your Power.” 

Many people have become disenchanted with traditional religious orthodoxy but haven’t replaced it with an alternative.  They’ve “thrown the baby out with the bathwater” so to speak. That leaves them feeling vulnerable and having no alternative.

This is really tragic because our thinking, combined with strong emotion, LITERALLY creates results in our lives. This may be hard to believe, but It’s The Law of Attraction and Quantum Physics in action. The more you work with the Law of Attraction, the more you will believe this. You don’t have to take my word for it. Prove it for yourself.

Concocting negative visions becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Rehearsing fearful scenarios actually creates results we don’t want!  And that reinforces the fear.  How often do you hear people say “I knew that would happen!”

When we have faith that the Universe is a friendly place and that we are empowered to create our experience in our lives, we won’t feel so vulnerable.  We won’t allow fear to steal our joy. 

Also, when there are outside circumstances that we cannot control and that don’t turn out the way we would prefer, we can change our perspective on them.  We can look for the silver lining.  There is always some good to be found in every situation when we shift our perception.

As we focus on positive thoughts and create positive feelings we will get positive results.  It’s up to us to choose.  We can choose peace and joy.

"Today I am Grateful for" List

Brene’s Brown’s said that her research revealed that happy people face fear with gratitude and she believes that “no one will ever experience joy without gratitude.”

Oprah commented that “when you create a gratitude list (actually write it down) in the morning, you go through the day looking for it.”   

Gratitude is a daily practice in the DreamBuilder Program. It’s a practice in Mindset #3: Abundance in the guidebook and scorecard, Living Happy, Rich and Free After 60.  You can get a free copy at dreambigandbloom.com/guidebook

And now you can do the scorecard online at dreambigandbloomscore.com

And you can learn more about Gratitude and Abundance in podcast episodes #32 and #34 at Dreambigandbloom.com/podcasts.

Keep noticing what you’re thinking and keep choosing better feeling thoughts. Use your favorite affirmations and then take an action step in the service of your dream.  This is how you manage fear and experience joy. You realize that you are in charge and you are supported by a Higher Power and you do the daily practices.

There are lots of books, courses and lots of YouTube videos but it’s the daily practice that creates results.

I’m eager to know how you are doing with these practices and if you have any questions. Share in the comments below.

And for more in-depth support, be a guest on this podcast. Visit dreambigandbloom.com/guest

Have you got a copy of Living Happy, Rich and Free After 60, The guidebook and scorecard for achieving your dreams? You can download it for free at dreambigandbloom.com/book

Try the new DreamBuilder Scorecard and find out how your Mindsets are either growing or slowing your results Go to dreambigscore.com/

To accelerate your results Join the DreamBuilder Program and get in-depth personalized support applying these powerful principles and practices. Studies have shown that when education is combined with coaching, individuals increase their productivity by an average of 86%.That’s why top athletes, celebrities and successful business leaders hire coaches. To get started visit DreamBigandBloom.com/get-started

Now, as you go, remember

  • You are capable of far more than you know 
  • You were created to have an amazing and fulfilling life. It’s your birthright.
  • You DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE for just “good enough”
  • You are more powerful than any circumstance, situation or condition
  • You absolutely can create the life of your dreams.

You absolutely can be Happy, Rich and Free After 60! 

Dream big, follow your heart and live with all the joy, purpose, prosperity and fulfillment you deserve!

Here’s to living happy, rich and free!

Much love to you.


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